Excerpt
from The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life
by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.
Introduction
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within
me an invincible summer.
--Albert Camus
It was mid-January. I saw nothing around me as I cut across Harvard
Yard toward the austere psychology building on the other side of
campus. Once there, I stood before my professor's closed door. I raised
my eyes and scanned the ID numbers on the grade sheet, column by
column, and then straight across the page, finding it difficult to see
clearly what was in front of me. Once again, my anxiety had rendered me
nearly blind.
My first two years of college had been unhappy. I always felt that
the sword of Damocles was hanging over my head. What if I missed a
crucial word during a lecture? What if I was caught off guard during a
seminar and was unable to answer the professor's question? What if I
didn't have a chance to proofread my paper for a third and final time
before submitting it? Any of these situations could lead to an
imperfect performance, to failure, and to the end of the possibility of
becoming the kind of person and attaining the kind of life that I
envisioned for myself.
That day, standing at my professor's door, one of my great fears
materialized. I failed to get an A. I rushed back to my room and locked
the door behind me.
Nobody likes to fail, but there is a difference between a normal
aversion to failure and an intense fear of failure. Aversion to failure
motivates us to take necessary precautions and to work harder to
achieve success. By contrast, intense fear of failure often handicaps
us, making us reject failure so vigorously that we cannot take the
risks that are necessary for growth. This fear not only compromises our
performance but jeopardizes our overall psychological well-being.
Failure is an inescapable part of life and a critically important
part of any successful life. We learn to walk by falling, to talk by
babbling, to shoot a basket by missing, and to color the inside of a
square by scribbling outside the box. Those who intensely fear failing
end up falling short of their potential. We either learn to fail or
we fail to learn.
The above is an excerpt from the book The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.
©2009 Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D, author of The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life