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Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven: A Gutsy Guide to Becoming One Hot (and Healthy) Mother! Excerpt from Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven: A Gutsy Guide to Becoming One Hot (and Healthy) Mother!

by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin



Chapter Seventeen
What Makes a M.I.L.F.?


There's a term that young, single guys use for sexy moms: M.I.L.F.  It's an acronym for Mother I'd Like to #$%@.  Don't be insulted; it's the highest compliment a stupid man can pay you.  (And don't be frightened.  It's always muttered behind your back.  No man would ever be so bold as to tell you to your face.)  You can pretend to be shocked, appalled, and offended, but you're not fooling anyone.  There will come a time when you're feeling unattractive and loathsome--you'll be wearing your fat pants for the tenth consecutive week, you'll be covered in spit-up, and you'll have likely gone weeks without so much as a nod from your husband.  One day, when you take the pains to doll yourself up and you catch an appreciative glance from a hot young buck, you'll remember: "I've still got it."  It'll put a spring in your step.  And it'll raise the bar for you to get it together on a more regular basis.

Not just in the looks department, though.  (A woman who overvalues her appearance is a bimbo--mother or not.)  You'll be inspired to be a whole person again, and not just a mommy.  Remember what it was like before you became a mom?  When you had ideas, thoughts, and opinions about things other than your child?  Having outside interests or personal needs doesn't make you a bad mom.  It makes you human.  Nurturing those needs and interests will make you a better mom.  If you're feeling resentful or unfulfilled or bored, you're of no use to your baby.  In fact, you suck for your baby.  She never asked you to become a single-minded, lame-ass bore.  So quit blaming her.  She'd prefer to have a happy mom with a rich, layered life.  She can survive without you for an hour a day, or for as many hours as you need to feet happy and whole.  Don't use motherhood as an excuse to give up on your own life.  It's an easy trap to fall into.  So be strong.

And be vigilant.  Don't be a sucker for advertising anymore.  Read the labels of everything you buy.  If you're going to put it in your mouth or on your skin, or in your baby's mouth or on her skin, you better know exactly what it is.  No ifs, ands, or buts.  Use your own head and don't believe or trust anyone.  Do your own research and make your own well-informed decisions.  You're a big girl now.

And love yourself, big ass and all.  Mommies who love themselves make babies who love themselves.  Good health is the most important thing you can give your baby.  Confidence is the most important thing you can instill in your child.  And you can't instill it in your kid while you're busy knocking yourself.  Would you ever allow your daughter to think her self-worth is tied up in her body?  Would you adore and worship her any less if she were chubby?  So why do you deserve less than your daughter?  Be the type of woman you want her to be.  Or raise the kind of man you'd want a daughter to marry.  Do you want your son to choose a supermodel or a super girl?  One of them is fool's gold.

Now just because looks are unimportant, that doesn't mean you shouldn't honor and celebrate yourself.  Buy cute clothes for your sexy mommy body and rock your new curves.  Get over the, "I still need to lose X pounds" bullshit and just have fun.  Don't put being happy and confident on hold until your scale reads a specific number.  Be happy and confident now!  It's not an external thing.  It's simply a choice.  And if you'd open your eyes, you'd recognize that there are few things more beautiful than confidence.  Confidence is at the pinnacle of beauty, along with generosity, gratitude, and love.
 
You're a mother now.  It is an honor and a gift to give life.  Feel nothing but blessed by the miracle that has been bestowed upon you.  Bask in the glow.  And extend your love to not only your child, but to all children.  And in fact, embrace all moms, who are really no different than you.  While you're at it, love those who are childless.  Hell, you might as well love everyone.  What greater purpose can you serve than to love everyone?  What greater lesson can you teach your child than to love everyone?  What greater way can you better the world than to love everyone in it?

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world. If you can embody that, you won't ever have to teach your child anything. You can just be.

Copyright © 2008 Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin