FSB Author Article
Balancing the Strengths-Weakness Equation
by Jenifer Fox,
Author of Your Child's Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers
For too long, we have focused on weaknesses at school. We believe that
children will get ahead when we spent most time on the areas where they
are most challenged. The problem with this notion is that it is a
one-sided or half-baked approach to education. In the long run,
children don't make their biggest contribution in their areas of
weakness. Children overcome weakness, but they rarely excel in them or
end up building their lives work around activities that make them feel
depleted.
By looking at a child's strengths we are not failing to consider his
challenges, we are merely balancing the equation that has been out of
proportion for too long. Strengths are the things that make children
feel energized, but that doesn't mean they are naturally talented in
their area of strength. For example, your child may love playing
hockey, but never make first string. On the other hand, just because
your child has a talent for something, it doesn't mean he has a
strength in it. We all know a child who is good at piano but refuses to
practice and finds excuses to avoid lessons. This is an example for a
talent that is not a strength.
How Parents Can Help
Parents and teachers are good at identifying and pointing out
challenges for children, but they cannot tell them what their strengths
are. Discovering strengths involves self reflection about a variety of
activities and relationships one encounters. Children are the ones who
really know how they feel and they must discover their strengths on
their own.
How can parents help them begin to do this? There are many ways; one of
their first things parents can do to help children discover their
strengths is to ask them questions about how they feel when engaged in
various activities. Start by choosing three different tasks that can be
done at home and ask your child which ones he prefers. Once he chooses,
begin to ask him some funneling questions about the activity. A
funneling question is one where you keep asking why and continue
breaking the question down to find the part of the activity your child
likes best. For example, Kelly just finished writing a creative story
and had the following conversation with her father:
"Dad want to read my story? I think you'll like it."
"Do you enjoy writing Kelly?"
"Yeah."
"What is it about writing that you like?"
"I like to make up characters."
This brief example demonstrates that the thing Kelly likes to do is to:
"make up characters", which she can ostensibly do in a variety of
places other than simply writing stories about them. She can make up
characters in artwork, filmmaking, acting. She most likely enjoys
making up a particular kind of character; understanding this will
further shift her focus and help her define her interests more clearly.
This is important in discovering strengths because when left to the
broadest reflection ("I like writing"), both Kelly, her parents, and
maybe her teachers may miss an opportunity to discover her potential
for sustained interest. For people to become experts at anything, they
have to be able to sustain enough interest to practice it.
Kelly may dislike many forms of writing if she didn't funnel the
question to discover that developing characters was what energized her,
she may one day land a in a college major or even a job she hates where
she is doing a lot of serious writing that is unappealing to her.
People make this kind of mistake all the time. Consider the unhappy
real estate agent who loves houses, but not selling. To discover
strengths children must be able to funnel and narrow until they are
able to precisely name the thing that most energizes them.
Developing Strength Takes Work
It has already been noted that schools put too much focus on
their students weaknesses. If children spent all their time in
remediation of their weaknesses, there won't be any time left over for
them to develop their strengths, and in the end all you have is ac hild
who went from really bad at something to mediocre. Mediocrity is not
enough to sustain a lifetime of meaningful work.
That said, discovering strengths is not about opting out of things that
challenge people. It takes practice and commitment; it is not simply
about following one's bliss. In fact, once children identify their
strengths, they have a responsibility to work and practice those things
so they can become experts at them.
Beyond Academics
Strengths are not just what people feel energized doing, so they do not
simply relate to classes studied in school. Strengths are also about
what children do in their relationships. It is important for children
to identify the things they do for others that make them feel strong
about themselves. For example, leading others may energize one person,
while listening to others energizes another. They cant be everything to
everyone, so determining their strong areas in relationships will help
children know to focus their energy for the best result.
Playing to our Strengths
Strengths are the new glue that can bond families and unite them to
schools. Over the next few years you will hear more and more about how
strengths can help children enrich and focus their live. This good news
for everyone because when people are playing to their strengths in work
and in their relationships we all win.
Copyright © 2009 Jenifer Fox, author of Your Child's Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers
Author Bio
Jenifer Fox, author of Your Child's Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers,
is an educator and public speaker who has worked in public and
independent schools as a teacher and administrator for twenty-five
years. She is currently the international leader of the Strengths
Movement in K-12 schools. She holds a B.S. in communication from the
University of Wisconsin-Madison, an M.A. in English from Middlebury
College's Bread Loaf School of English, and an M.Ed. in school
administration from Harvard University.
For more information, please visit www.strengthsmovement.com