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The following is an excerpt from the book The Republican Playbook
by Andy Borowitz
Published by Hyperion; October 2006;$16.95US/$21.95CAN;
Copyright © 2006 Andy Borowitz

Republican-to-English Glossary

As Republicans, we speak a language all our own. While this language resembles English in some superficial ways -- alphabet, spelling, grammar -- a closer examination of the Republican language reveals that when we Republicans say something, we rarely mean what English-speaking people think we mean. This is very useful to us, because it means that by using our own special language instead of English, we can mislead people without even breaking a sweat. Mastery of this language is invaluable, and it can be used in almost any setting: the stump speech, the televised debate, and most importantly, the presidential press conference. The more fluent you become in the Republican language, the harder it will be for anyone else to know what you are really saying -- unless they, too, are fluent in Republican like you. Thus, the Republican language becomes like a dog whistle that only other Republicans can hear.

Having said that, speaking Republican is not easy. It takes years of study and practice, and even then, it is still possible for a Republican politician, at the end of a long day on the campaign trail, to "slip" and say what he really means in easy-to-understand English instead of impossible-to-penetrate Republican. To keep these regrettable mishaps from occurring, we have included the following facts-at-your-fingertips Republican-to-English Glossary. Give yourself a quick refresher course, and soon you'll be talking Republican like a pro! 

Republican English
Tax relief Tax cut 
Pro-life  Antiabortion
No Child Left Behind  Every Child Tested Up the Wazoo 
Support our troops  Agree with our president 
Axis of Evil  Axis of Oil 
Personal responsibility Welfare cuts
Family values  Heterosexuality
New York liberal  Jew 
Feminist Lesbo 
A thousand points of light  A cardboard box over a subway grate 
Kinder, gentler  Just as bad ass as before 
My fellow Americans  My fellow evangelical Christians 
I'm resigning to spend more time with my family.  I've been canned because an entire city was flooded while I sat on my ass. 

Excerpted from The Republican Playbook by Andy Borowitz. Published by Hyperion. Copyright © 2006 Andy Borowitz All rights reserved. Available wherever books are sold.