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Guys -- Appear Generous, Stay Selfish
By I. Glebe
Author of Points!: Women Have Them, Men Need Them

  Admit it; you're selfish. Not all the time, just sometimes, like when you have to share something. Not everything, just things you like.
Does this sound familiar? You and yours are eating dinner in some nice restaurant -- perhaps it is an occasion -- like your anniversary -- maybe her's also. You are concentrating on devouring your four pound lobster. Suddenly, she looks up from her tidbits of tilapia and spinach salad and offers you a taste. A chill runs through you -- you know what she wants -- your lobster -- perhaps a claw, maybe both claws.
You throw her a red herring and ask about her mother and the thing. You look down at your lobster -- only half left -- and you're saving the claws for last. You reach for your wine and subtly put a protective arm around your plate.
She, however, is relentless and seizes a quiet moment and offers her tilapia once again. You begin to shiver ever so slightly. You are trapped! You know it; she knows it. There is no way out -- so you politely, with a slight tremor in your voice, offer her a piece of lobster. You try to smile unselfishly -- knowing that you are a kind and giving person -- as nausea overtakes you as she snares a piece of meat and the left claw, which we all know is the tastiest of the lobster claws.
You can avoid this. Yes, you can be selfish without appearing that way.
Try this when she offers her tilapia (or before if you can read her tell):
  • Stuff your mouth with lobster and fries and say: "Thane wassa bling toft." And then smile knowingly and look down at her finger. She will smile and spend the rest of dinner trying to figure out what she is getting for her anniversary.
  • Look directly into her eyes for a long, almost uncomfortable moment, and say: "Shirl (if her name is Shirl) . . . there's something we need to talk about." She will be paralyzed into thinking that all the bad things that she suspected you of are true. She will immediately stop eating. You may safely offer her your lobster.
  • Ask about her mother and the thing and what the doctor said and did she see a specialist and why not because, at her age, well, you know, and we should stop by later, if she's up. Feel free to offer her a piece of lobster as she calls her mother on the cell. Finish your lobster at your leisure.
  • Ask her if she meant to put on her mascara that way and when she gets up to go to the ladies room offer her a piece of lobster. You may resume devouring your lobster.
  • Offer her the last remaining claw. This may appear risky but, as much as she wants it, she cannot take the last claw -- because women are basically unselfish.
 Appear generous -- stay selfish.

© 2008 I. Glebe

Author Bio
I. Glebe
is an ordinary guy. It is from this unique vantage point that he was able to uncover the secrets of relationships and how to make them work for you, even though you may not want to. Having experienced the best and the worst of seven marriages (including two of his own), he can safely say that he is as close to an expert in this stuff as anyone walking the planet.

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